Male female humor

000000000000WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

From an email: Men Are Just Happier People –What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack…You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the  time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Men Are Just Happier People. What do you think? Leave a comment. This was sent to me by email==author unknown.

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Funeral Humor (Humour) Brand New Blog

A man died and left his wife $20,000. After the funeral she told a friend that she was broke.angel3

“You’re broke?!” The friend asked. “I thought your husband left you a lot of money.”

“He did, but I spent $5000 on the funeral and $15,000 on a memorial stone.”

“That must have been a really big memorial stone” the woman said. “How big was it?”

The widow lifted up her left hand to show the woman and said “Oh, about three carats.”

Later the widow was in a car accident and the doctors thought she was dead. They used everything they could and soon her heart started beating again. The woman prayed to God and said “Oh thank you so much for letting me live. By the way, how much longer are you going to let me stay alive down here?”

God told her she had 40 more years to live.

She was so happy that she decided to stay at the hospital and get a face lift, a tummy tuck and breast augmentation. Soon she was able to leave the hospital.

Then one day about a month later she was hit by a car and died. As her spirit was being taken to heaven she asked God, “Hey, I thought you said I had forty more years down here, What happened?”

God said, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t recognize you.”

Disclaimer: these are just a little humor and certainly not doctrinally correct. I know some of you are thinking, yep, very little humor. Oh well, you get what you pay for and this was free.